#13: An Addict

One of my coworkers, a RN, is a recovering alcohol addict. According to the TX BNE, she had a restriction on her license and could not handle narcotic medications for a certain length of time. At first I was afraid to ask her why she could never count the narcotics, and why she always had a medication nurse on her shift (despite the staffing grid), until I worked with her for a weekend. I had just assumed that she must have been abusing narcotics. Well, I asked her, politely, and she was not fearful of telling me her reasons. She did not boast or brag, she told me in a very appropriate way that she struggles with alcoholism, had been sober for a long time, relapsed, and is now sober again. She was facing the consequences of her personal choices in her professional life. She is a member of AA, and uses the 12 steps daily. For her to admit her faults, and her addiction, to me--a coworker--who really did not need to know, and discuss it openly created a new respect for her within me. To be be able to admit when you are wrong, admit that you may fail, shows that you have insight, that you are willing to look at yourself in the mirror and take the next step to do something about it.

Working in the mental health field, I see a lot of patients who self medicate with drugs/alcohol/self harm. They are all addicted either psychologically or physically. When they are in denial of their problem, they make no steps to correct the situation, and they continue in their self-destructive behavior. The ones who admit that they have a problem, may still relapse--frequently having a lot of guilt and a sense of failure associated with it--but they are trying to do something about it. That takes strength, especially since there is something painful behind their reasons for self-medicating. They not only struggle against the addiction itself, but against their fears and their pain.